The time is Now

As I write this I hope that my words are accurate enough to reflect me true feelings and to shed light on what I’ve learned. I hope that they are not borne of my mind but of some form of consciousness, though of course consciousness cannot truly be reflected in words.

As many know, I am on a continual search to find my calling and to match my inner purpose with an outer purpose. I am getting closer every day to identifying what my calling is and am trying my best not to over think it or to put labels and expectations on this search for purpose.

I believe I am endowed with certain gifts. I am able to write effectively. I have a fair degree of intelligence or occupy a certain portion of collective intelligence if you will, since we are all part of one universe, one intelligence. I am philosophical to a degree. I enjoy questioning what is and why it is. I have been blessed with certain events in my life that have created the person that I am today, as flawed as I remain.

I began this blog to describe a process of growth and a quest for a greater sense of wellness in a number of areas. I believe that wellness is a combination of body, mind and spirit. Plato and Socrates spoke of this type of ideal wellness. One can be entirely physically fit but have nothing but mind and fear (ego) driven aspirations, engaging in acts of physical violence for instance. One can be highly intelligent while engaging in acts of self-destruction. The latter one comes closer to describing my record.

It is now a couple of weeks into this process and I continue to struggle, though not to resist what is.

Recently I started to re-read Ekhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth. I read it before though it did not seem to make as much of an impact. I suppose I still had ego-driven purposes to read it, to protect relationships at the time and not ‘lose’ what I had gained to that point. People who have read and understood these concepts realize that loss and suffering can bring one closer to consciousness, or to a path towards a greater awareness of consciousness. Tolle teaches the reader to accept what ‘is.’

In his books, that combine a number of religious approaches to a search for the Truth, Tolle answers many of the questions that arise within but does not expect to teach a lesson but to provide a guide for the reader. Inner purpose comes from within, not from words or signposts. One cannot therefore read the books and expect simply to put them down and have everything cured for them. To do so kind of misses the whole point. Making the reading of a book the past experience does not bring one closer to consciousness.

How do I struggle? What are the points that I continue to struggle with.

This blog itself is a good example. When I started it I had the intention of providing daily updates, perhaps even twice daily. However I now believe that this blog will act as a journal when I am prepared to treat it as such – not through forcing it but by accepting what I am feeling when I am feeling it. I have resolved to live a more purpose-driven life. But imposing expectations upon oneself and getting frustrated or angry further denies the acceptance that one needs to live more consciously. To find happiness, one must end resistance to what is. If the situation around oneself is not one that creates enjoyment of what ‘is’, the Now, then one has the options to accept it, to change it or to remove oneself from what is.

Confused yet? Don’t over-think it. Breathe. Take deep breaths and pay attention to them. Consciousness can only be entered from the Now because that is all you ever have.

So today, I sit at my parent’s house. I remain unemployed. I continue my search for my outer purpose – my occupation. I do not resist the current state of my life and I have found this has given me happiness, regardless of the outer ‘realities’ of my life. I am still broke financially. I am single. And yet amidst these situations that some might deem to be less desirable, I am incredibly happy, not possessed of one negative judgment about what is. The universe always provides what we need and at the right time.

I am learning more every minute of every day. I practice acceptance as often as possible – to sleeplessness, to my financial status, to my lack of an outer purpose and I am incredibly happy and peaceful. The sense of dread that so grasped me a few months ago has gone. The answers that I need today will be answered soon enough, not through forcing but through accepting what is.

I have come to understand the path that brought me to where I am. Using Ms. Beck’s terms, I have become a teller of backwards stories – what has brought me to where I am today are blessings, not curses. Contained within these lessons (honoring my past) is the key to my future answers.

I have come close to a decision about my future path. It is a path of learning that I am on. I also see a potential to teach others in some way. I am still interested in politics, though more from an analytical perspective than from a participation perspective. I understand so much about what drives our political system and have always been drawn to the field. The state of civil discourse (or uncivil) interests me greatly as do the fields of new media and social networking.

Now time to meditate some more, fold some laundry and figure out where to look for short-term work that will lead to my longer-term goals!

Namaste